A Response to Blessed Is She

Their January 16 reflection hit a nerve

Blessed is She is a popular women's ministry that has a very substantial digital presence and produces devotional books and a very popular yearly planner. I'm a subscriber of their daily email reflections. This is a response to today's reflection by Kendra Tierney.

Boy, did I struggle with today's reflection. 

 I'm genuinely happy for the author's experience of having faithful priests surround her during such a difficult time in the life of her family. That sounds like a genuine, beautiful grace and I hope that her experience of having that grace and support is repeated in the lives of your readers.

The office of the priesthood is indeed a sacred one, and when priests keep their vows, Christ is indeed present in a particularly strong way. It seems that your author, Kendra, experienced this in a very real, concrete series of graces.

The problem is that not all of them keep their vows, and there are even some who use their positions and the access to the souls of others inherent to their office to fulfill their own lusts. 

I was sexually assaulted by my spiritual director in college (I went to a small Catholic university in Oklahoma attached to a monestary, the university has since closed due to lack of funding), someone who I had been relying on to help me navigate some family trauma and a severe case of scruples. The assault occurred in the confessional. 

My mother was sexually harassed and propositioned by two priests she'd trusted, both of whom had been our pastors and frequent visitors in our house prior to that. 

My grandmother went to a priest for help during the course of her crumbling marriage, and he proceeded to take advantage of the situation and have a sexual affair with her. Her marriage very quickly dissolved after that, and five children, one with a severe developmental disability and special needs, were left without a mother in the custody of their abusive father as a result. 

I'm truly happy that the author of this post was able to see Christ at work in the lives of the priests around her. The Sacrament of Holy Orders is indeed one of the most beautiful gifts Christ has given us. As she and her children mourn the death of her husband, I'm grateful that she had access to those graces.

But because of my life experience, I struggle when someone describes priests as “representative before God", or a representative of God. I'm truly happy (and relieved) that Kendra's experience was so positive. But as I, and thousands of other women in a multitude of circumstances, clicked open that reflection today, the main thrust of the message seemed to be that we should see the priests in our lives likewise. That's a message that, sadly, is irresponsible advice for many of us. While it worked out beautifully for Mrs. Tierney, not all of us have men on call in our parish rectories that we can trust.

I respect my parish priest, and I have met many good men in the priesthood. But I am extremely cautious and very slow to let them into my home or have access to my children, and I doubt I'll ever have a priest as a spiritual director again. I bring my children to the sacraments, but I teach them to look for Christ in them (especially in the Eucharist), not in the man who confects them. I can't imagine allowing any priest the unfettered access to my family life that she seems to describe; it seems far too dangerous.

To be frank, with my life experience I can't unreservedly see Christ's representatives in those men themselves, or it leads me to draw conclusions that are incompatible with remaining in the Christian faith. I hope that not too many other women reading that reflection have faced what my family has, or will have to face it, but I'm inclined to believe there's at least a few.

 I don't want to steal from others' joy or consolation, or take away from the good that they experienced. I know that there are good and holy priests who have been wise and holy spiritual directors and who have shepherded the souls in their care rather than preyed on them. When you see them, the beauty there is breathtaking. But there are wolves in sheep's clothing in many of our parishes, and our trust has to be tempered with caution. I see far too little of that reality acknowledged.

I think I see the same thing as the author of the original post; that the presence of the gift of the priesthood can indeed be a powerful witness of the goodness and love of our God. I just see it in the negative or from the underside of it, as if in an undeveloped film strip. I see it in the absence of the light, and the hole it leaves, rather than in its fully developed light and colors.

I hope that I can someday see it realized as it was meant to be, whether in this life or the next. I try to keep my heart open to that. But I've learned the hard way that I've got to tread carefully in the meantime, and I urge my sisters in Christ to do the same.