Lent and Scruples: A Survival Guide

How to prayerfully observe Lent without getting completely overwhelmed.

This is a re-run from my old blog, originally written in February of 2020. I suffered from scruples for several years, and have found that several other people do too. Hopefully you find this helpful.

Image Credit: Creative Commons, Catholic Church (England and Wales)

Note: I am not a professional counselor, nor am I a trained spiritual director. The following recommendations are drawn purely from my own experience and what I've found has helped in my own struggle with this disorder. If you have a spiritual director or counselor whom you trust, you should take their word over mine.

When you're scrupulous, Lent can be one of the most stressful times of the year.

Scrupulosity is a manifestation of OCD where the sufferer fixates on the proper practice of their religion. Because Lent is a season of the year where we are called to focus on our sinful nature and to fast, people who tend to hyper focus on their sinful nature can end up taking the fasting to an excess pretty darn fast. When that focus extends to fasting from food, it can even become physically dangerous.

The problem with practicing the faith while struggling with OCD is that sacrifices and prayers can seem to be demanded tribute to a passive-aggressive dictator rather than freely given gifts to a loving God.

Back when my OCD was out of control, I remember agonizing over my Lenten observances-- whether I'd done enough, or whether I had paid enough attention during this or that prayer. One memorable year, I fixated on fasting and very nearly developed an eating disorder-- by Easter, I had made a 'one serving only' rule for meals, cut out all meat and sweets, and was eating less than three full meals every Friday. I lost so much weight that my friends started commenting on it.

This is not who God is, and it is not how He wants us to see Him. He wants us to trust that He loves us, and to trust in His mercy (to the point of mentioning it several times in the Gospel, and appearing several hundred times to a Polish nun in the 1930s saying as much and commissioning a painting via said nun to prove the point).

So, if you struggle with scruples, I challenge you to consecrate yourself to God's Divine Mercy this Lent.

There are three parts to Lent. Fasting, Prayer, and Almsgiving. Let's touch on each one.

Fasting.

With fasting, choose ONE thing. Commit to ONLY doing the ONE thing. Write down the exact expectations for what you're going to do (this will keep you accountable and give you something to reference when you're tempted to change it).

For example: say you decide you're going to fast from dessert for Lent.

Decide what constitutes a dessert for the duration of the fast (This may seem like overkill, but defining your terms is the name of the game here if you want to keep your fast from consuming more than its due), and what circumstances you're giving it up under.

So, you decide that a 'dessert' is the sweet part of the meal that comes within an hour after lunch or supper, that you'll give it up Monday through Saturday, and that you'll politely refuse if it's offered to you by someone else within that time frame.

Now, here's the hard part.

Keep only that one thing, and don't add any others.

So if someone hands you a piece of candy two hours after you eat lunch and you would normally accept, go ahead and accept the candy. 

If you're at a friend's house and they offer you ice cream independent of a meal, accept it.

You're not allowed to worry about if you're doing enough or following your fast perfectly enough. If you slip up, you're not allowed to 'make up' with something else. That way lies obsession and compulsion.

When you find yourself fixating, say the "Jesus I trust in You" prayer.

"Jesus, I trust in you. I trust that you love me even if I don't 'fix' this. I trust that you know that I love you, even if I don't 'fix' this."

Stick with your one thing, and don't do anything extra or to make up for perceived deficiency (which may very well be the most difficult part of your Lent).

Prayer.

This one is very similar to fasting.

Choose ONE type of prayer to pursue, and keep it simple. Do NOT make it too complex-- don't take on the entire liturgy of the hours if you don't normally pray it. Instead, choose a small, simple devotion like the Divine Mercy chaplet (appropriate, since this is a Divine Mercy themed Lent idea) or a daily single decade of the Rosary.

Like with fasting, define your parameters. What are you doing? When are you doing it? Under what circumstances? What time of day?

Say you decide to do the Divine Mercy Chaplet every day, starting sometime during the three o'clock hour (I've found that it's best to give yourself an approximate rather than an exact time with stuff like this-- there's less room for an obsession to creep in if your routine gets thrown off for some reason) in the living room.

Just like with fasting, if you miss your prayer time for some reason you are not allowed to make it up with something else. Just say the "Jesus I trust in You" prayer like described above for slipping up with fasting, and pick up your intended prayer routine the next day.

Something particular to prayer-- If you say a prayer or part of the prayer, and don't feel you said it well enough and that you need to repeat it, just keep going and don't 'make it up' with something else later.

For someone who suffers from this particular obsession/compulsion, this is going to be difficult. Every cell in your body and mind will be screaming at you to go back and do it 'right', and you're going to be scared you're offending God.

This is where your Lenten suffering is going to be. You're going to have to trust in His mercy.


Almsgiving.

Just like with the other two things, choose one act of almsgiving to do, and write down clear and simple guidelines for that act, as well as the circumstances in which you will perform that act.

Keep this act well inside your means. It can push you, but don't put your bills or livelihood in jeopardy. Simple and small is the way to go here. Giving up your ice cream money is fine, but living solely on ramen noodles for six weeks is not.

Do NOT go over 5-10% of your normal everyday budget here and include whatever you're giving to your church  in that equation. Even if you think you 'could do more.'

Remember, it's about trusting in God's mercy. Be satisfied with doing a little consistently.

For example, say you want to set $5 aside every week for a charity that's important to you. Decide where that money will be coming from in your budget and what day of the week you're going to send it to the charity.

Stick with the amount you wrote down, even if you feel you 'could' give more.

If you get an unexpected windfall and feel that God expects you to give it to charity, put it aside in a safe place and DO NOT give it to charity until AFTER Lent.

During Lent, stick to your plan.

(A quick note for any of these: If the pressure becomes too much, and you absolutely, positively, simply must give something else up to make up for a 'slip up',  put off the compulsion until later (in addition to repeating the 'Jesus I trust in You' prayer).  Give yourself a concrete time ("2 o'clock", "tomorrow at 3"), write down exactly what you'e going to do (keep it equivalent to what you originally planned to do-- NO 'EXTRAS') and when, and hold off until then. Then next time, make the 'put off' time a little longer. Don't do it if the compulsion is no longer strong when you get to that time. Just continue with your original routine).

You're going to feel uncomfortable approaching Lent this way, and you are going to feel that you 'should' be doing more. That's to be expected.

When you feel that way, remember that you're not the exception to the rule.

You need God's mercy too.