Appreciate this! While I don’t agree with every aspect of Catholic teachings on sex, I find that even as a Protestant I agree with far more of it than I do with mainline evangelical teaching expressed in the quotes you shared. It’s so much richer and more biblical. But I do know lots of everyday evangelicals who live out an understanding of sexuality closer to a Catholic (and I think more biblical) view. For better or for worse, the freedom most of our denominations ascribe to (or the silence on the matter) means that there is a wide variety in the convictions and practices of evangelicals.
This is fascinating! I have attended evangelical churches for over a decade, though I have never read a book on evangelical sex (or Catholic sex! Or actually any sex books at all.) And I’ve only read one evangelical marriage book. It was the worst book ever- Dr Emerson Eggerichs Love and Respect. He does include a short section on sex (under men’s needs, of course) and shares an anecdote about how women naturally do not enjoy sex, but we had ought to put up with it because our husbands need it and of course it is over so quickly.
I’ve also sat through women’s ministry events during which we were counseled by the pastor’s wife that sex for men is like talking for women- they need sex, we need to gab. I feel strongly that this is baloney. I can think of lots of reasons why a woman might not enjoy sex (maybe she is one of the one in four women who has been sexually abused or assaulted in this country. Maybe she has issues that can be addressed by a competent gynecologist. Maybe her husband is just lousy in bed and they can work on that…)
Another fascinating thing is that the above was all experienced in white evangelical church. We recently started attending Black evangelical church and it is completely different regarding women and sex. There is definitely still an expectation that we are in control of our family’s size, but it’s expected that women enjoy sex. I’m really grateful for this. I did not grow up in white evangelical churches, but I can see how there is this culture of shame around sex for women.
I had no idea church was going to be so complicated when I became a Christian.
The Catholic perspective on sex is so interesting! I have literally never heard that. I do know evangelicals who have lots and lots of babies but I would say that birth control has been tacitly or explicitly encouraged the entire time I’ve been in church. I grew up in a mainline denomination and it was definitely strongly encouraged there and over 3 kid families got plenty of side eye. When I got pregnant after 11 years of unexplained infertility, my mom’s first response was to ask me what I was going to do birth control after the baby was born.
Thanks for writing this. It is a succinct and insightful contrast/comparison.
I’m Catholic and I find I can’t read the sex part of most Protestant marriage books for the reasons you mentioned. The separation of sex and babies plus the focus on pleasure being the main point is truly so different and has big implications for differing views of marriage as a whole. My non-theological impression is that for Catholics, openness to life is a default in marriage unless there are serious reasons to avoid (licitly - and that’s difficult to keep up if your reasons aren’t so serious) vs. for Protestants (and our culture at large) the default is to use birth control unless or until you want a baby.
I think the implications also spill over into other matters. If sex really is primarily about pleasure, it’s easy to see God as unfair for giving only heterosexual people that privilege. Whereas for Catholics, chastity is necessary for every state in life. It involves sex for married couples - and sometimes periods of abstinence - as well as accepting any babies that result.
When people ask about Catholic teaching on gay marriage (or IVF or whatever adjacent issue), it feels like nothing short of the entirety of the Theology of the Body will do to explain!
I came back to this post bc I just read This Momentary Marriage by John Piper. I highly recommend it, it’s more about the theology of marriage and less of a marriage manual, which I think you would be interested in comparing/contrasting with Catholic theology of marriage. Piper does include a chapter on sex and his teaching on this was so fascinating and so completely different than anything I’ve heard before. I would love to hear what you think about it if you get a chance to read it.
Appreciate this! While I don’t agree with every aspect of Catholic teachings on sex, I find that even as a Protestant I agree with far more of it than I do with mainline evangelical teaching expressed in the quotes you shared. It’s so much richer and more biblical. But I do know lots of everyday evangelicals who live out an understanding of sexuality closer to a Catholic (and I think more biblical) view. For better or for worse, the freedom most of our denominations ascribe to (or the silence on the matter) means that there is a wide variety in the convictions and practices of evangelicals.
This is fascinating! I have attended evangelical churches for over a decade, though I have never read a book on evangelical sex (or Catholic sex! Or actually any sex books at all.) And I’ve only read one evangelical marriage book. It was the worst book ever- Dr Emerson Eggerichs Love and Respect. He does include a short section on sex (under men’s needs, of course) and shares an anecdote about how women naturally do not enjoy sex, but we had ought to put up with it because our husbands need it and of course it is over so quickly.
I’ve also sat through women’s ministry events during which we were counseled by the pastor’s wife that sex for men is like talking for women- they need sex, we need to gab. I feel strongly that this is baloney. I can think of lots of reasons why a woman might not enjoy sex (maybe she is one of the one in four women who has been sexually abused or assaulted in this country. Maybe she has issues that can be addressed by a competent gynecologist. Maybe her husband is just lousy in bed and they can work on that…)
Another fascinating thing is that the above was all experienced in white evangelical church. We recently started attending Black evangelical church and it is completely different regarding women and sex. There is definitely still an expectation that we are in control of our family’s size, but it’s expected that women enjoy sex. I’m really grateful for this. I did not grow up in white evangelical churches, but I can see how there is this culture of shame around sex for women.
I had no idea church was going to be so complicated when I became a Christian.
The Catholic perspective on sex is so interesting! I have literally never heard that. I do know evangelicals who have lots and lots of babies but I would say that birth control has been tacitly or explicitly encouraged the entire time I’ve been in church. I grew up in a mainline denomination and it was definitely strongly encouraged there and over 3 kid families got plenty of side eye. When I got pregnant after 11 years of unexplained infertility, my mom’s first response was to ask me what I was going to do birth control after the baby was born.
Thanks for writing this. It is a succinct and insightful contrast/comparison.
I’m Catholic and I find I can’t read the sex part of most Protestant marriage books for the reasons you mentioned. The separation of sex and babies plus the focus on pleasure being the main point is truly so different and has big implications for differing views of marriage as a whole. My non-theological impression is that for Catholics, openness to life is a default in marriage unless there are serious reasons to avoid (licitly - and that’s difficult to keep up if your reasons aren’t so serious) vs. for Protestants (and our culture at large) the default is to use birth control unless or until you want a baby.
I think the implications also spill over into other matters. If sex really is primarily about pleasure, it’s easy to see God as unfair for giving only heterosexual people that privilege. Whereas for Catholics, chastity is necessary for every state in life. It involves sex for married couples - and sometimes periods of abstinence - as well as accepting any babies that result.
When people ask about Catholic teaching on gay marriage (or IVF or whatever adjacent issue), it feels like nothing short of the entirety of the Theology of the Body will do to explain!
I came back to this post bc I just read This Momentary Marriage by John Piper. I highly recommend it, it’s more about the theology of marriage and less of a marriage manual, which I think you would be interested in comparing/contrasting with Catholic theology of marriage. Piper does include a chapter on sex and his teaching on this was so fascinating and so completely different than anything I’ve heard before. I would love to hear what you think about it if you get a chance to read it.